If I Were a Celebrity...

Fame is a strange thing. We recognize all these random people because they’re the ones on our TVs during Netflix binges, or the voice we car-dance to, and their pictures litter the covers of magazines that seemingly nobody buys at the grocery store. We get updates on their marriages, families, and latest vacations. We are sure to find out when they have changed their hair and what they wore to a charity event or awards show. We have entire television programs dedicated entirely to asking famous people funny little questions about their lives just so we can feel this false sense of closeness. (Talk shows also feed celebrity obsessions. I'm definitely not speaking from experience or anything, but I just heard that somewhere...)

The phenomenon of being starstruck comes, I think, because we place celebrities in a world other than our own. When we meet someone famous, we are so surprised that someone as popular/successful/cool as them could be in the same time/place/moment we mere normal people are in. Doesn’t that sound a little crazy when we break it down? They’re just people, but we make them so much more.

However strange, though, I've imagined myself as a celebrity. If I were one of said people, I've decided I’d be like Taylor Swift in a few ways. If I had all that money and influence, I, too, would send Christmas gifts to loving fans and checks to help them pay their student loans. I would host parties of probably more than 89 people in a sweet venue (because I could afford that) and meet everybody face to face. The fact that someone could feel so happy just from meeting me or taking a picture with me is a powerful thing, and I’d want to use it for good. I would actually smile and say hello to them.

I'd also learn to be really good at Twitter (Is that a thing? To be good at Twitter?), so I could connect with my fans all over the country and maybe even the world. In interviews, I would dress like a lady and speak kindly of my family. I've watched a lot of interviews in my time. #guilty. It just bothers me when some people don't look their interviewer in the eye, are stretching, or use profanity. Furthermore, women who wear the shortest skirts that constantly need pulling down during the conversation are just ridiculous. I often catch myself thinking ,"I would have such a good answer to that" or "I wonder what funny gift Ellen would give me" or even, "yeah, well, I would wear Jimmy Choos on a Tuesday afternoon too, if I made the kind of money she does."

Basically, I would try to keep my rose colored glasses on all the time, remembering how lucky I am that my biggest problem is people asking me the same questions all the time. I would do my best to use my power for good, and become a role model parents wouldn't mind their kids following. I would take my mom on a trip to Paris and see what first class looks like. I would let my standards be known and live them proudly.

So, if I'm a celebrity one day (for some unknown reason), please hold me to this written statement so I can be a good famous person. :)